King John: A Bad Luck Name in Kings
And especially bad in a city where governance is supposed to be democratically decided. (Makes frowny face..)
Now, John. I have had to reprimand your friend Douglas for sneaking behind people’s backs and telling fibs, and it seems he has led you astray. Or you have led him astray. It may have begun innocently, with the two of you smoking rolled-up leaves out behind the garage and filching adult entertainment magazines from the corner store and stealing the lunch money of schoolkids shorter than you, but these things escalate, and opportunity beckoned, and power corrupts, and now it seems you want to be king. By king, I mean someone who always gets his way because no one else has any power to stop him
Not a good idea, John. Kings named John have not worked out well. John I of France ruled for 5 days, about the same length of time as he lived. John II of France made a mess of the seige of Bréteuil, constructing an enormous seige tower which went up in flames, then made a mess of the Battle of Poitiers and was taken hostage. John of England lost a bunch of land, suffered a Baron’s Revolt, was forced to sign Magna Carta – which he then violated – and was despised as a tyrant. Maybe adopt a different royal title? Use the middle name and become King Howard? It’s a thought.
Thing is, we just don’t trust kings named John all that much. We don’t believe they will act in the public good. It would be nice if King John I of Toronto would prove us wromg, but we’d rather not take the chance. You don’t want to go down in history as a tyrannical flop, now, do you? Do I have to put on my Eldrich Crone outfit and get out the crystal ball and the Quill Pen and the Tim Winter hair extensions and the Purple Cross-Eyed Zozzle Curse? John, John! Don’t make me do it!
Once the Quill Pen comes out… things get serious.
A Tribute Poem (apologies to A.A. Milne)
(Now, John. You are a good person really. Don’t be like this!)
This is now becoming a ritual. Every day I read your post and it is so much fun. I don't know the details about Canadian politics but I don't need to.
I had been bemoaning lately the dearth of crone archetypes, that we were stuck with wicked witch and sweet woolly-brained ineffectual old lady, and that's not enough. Your mashup of Wise Old Woman (which the general culture doesn't seem to believe in) with the Wicked Witch is perfect. I am reminded of a conversation I had with my cousin, in which we were bemoaning the lack of good female role models. She said she wanted to age like Jane Fonda. I said no, I want to age like Jane Goodall. Now I change my mind. I want to age like Margaret Atwood. You are beyond cool.
I wonder who the evil sherif of Nottingham will be. The new police chief perhaps? And who will play Robin Hood with Jack Layton and Joe Cressy gone from council? Certainly not Brad Bradford who favours the rich over the poor and who has now been appointed housing tzar by King John of Muddy York. Perhaps Josh Matlow? As for Maid Marion, Janet Davis could handily take on that role. In any case, we need our own Magna Carta now and for council to force King John to sign it on pain of being boiled in oil at the next Medieval Times event and then drawn and quartered and hung up in full view of the citizenry at Nathan Phillips Square with the Toronto Symphony present and playing a classical rendition of, “I did it my way”.